It's been a while...

Today, this is a kid-related blog since it had to do with Jack and how (we think) he's processing adoption.

We have always talked about adoption, even if we didn't think he could understand. Things like, "We're so glad we adopted you." "You're left handed like your birthmom, how cool!" Within the past two months, Jack has started to notice that our family are all different colors and has compared his color to his friends ("I'm brown but **** is not brown like me.").

Today Jack and I had a "discussion" because he wanted to wear two long sleeve shirts at the same time, and I thought one would do. Twenty minutes later in the car, he was talking to his Bionicle, but I decided to jump in:

J: "My other family is nice."
Me: "What do you mean?"
J: "My other family lets me wear two shirts."
Me: "Oh, do they?"
J: "They're my first family."
Me: "Yes, I know."
J: "Who is my other mom?"
Me: "Her name is ****."
J: "She said I can wear two shirts."
Me: "Well, that's good."

(There was a bit more but I'll spare you the entire conversation which ending up going some interesting places. )

After reading all the literature, I knew that when kids get older, the "my other family is better" scenario happens when the child isn't getting their way, and has the hope that it would in another family situation. I just wasn't expecting this at age four! I thought this was supposed to be a rebellious-teenager thing! I've really been anticipating the conversations about race more than this one.

What is very interesting to me is that Jack is obviously processing what we've been telling him about his adoption. In the past he hasn't really acknowledged what we've said (although he is very proud that "all the boys" in the family are adopted, i.e., Erik and he are). At least now we know he's listening!